Reflections from a Single Person on Valentines' Day

Some believe that the biggest dilemmas every year are about Valentines' Day. We agonize and we wonder, instead of simply asking that special someone: "Will you be my Valentine?". Why are these five words so difficult to say?

Although I am not a counselor or psychologist, I feel comfortable assuming that this "day of love" may produce more relationship break-ups than it does wedding proposals. In fact, it may be considered to be the most stressful day of the year. Nobody said love was easy.

If you are in a committed relationship, Valentines' Day is not optional. You must play the Valentines' Game. Mandatory participation: The rules are not clear, and subject to change at any time. The card, the gift, the date...it takes us days to decide what is appropriate. Assumptions and expectations. Appreciation. Stress. Pressure. There must be some sort of formal terminology for this state of panic, as it re-occurs every year at the same time. For many people, it is a joyful day. It should be (but so should the other 364 days of the year).

If you can't emotionally cope, think of this holiday as your civic duty, to support the economy (or find yourself looking for new love). According to the National Retail Federation, Americans spend more than 30 million dollars per year on Valentines' Day flowers, candy, and gifts.

Traditionally, poetry is an everlasting reflection of your love. Whether you write your own love poem or find one at www.poetry.com, your Valentine will appreciate the thoughtful gesture.

What if you are in a relationship, but don't really know where you stand? This is quite a predicament. Chances are that at least one of you agonizes over whether or not there will be an exchange cards. Then it takes hours (many hours) selecting the right card. The cashier at Hallmark can't tell you how your Valentine feels about you, so you read every card, twice. Now you struggle over gift ideas. Should you, or not? How much should you spend, and how personal should you get? The stress of this drives many people to simply break up, making the whole Valentines' Day holiday a non-issue. The pursuit of love should be fun and exciting, and yet for many people on this holiday it is not. This is the time you decide that "To have love and lost..." is better than to be rejected.

Assume you stick it out, and move forward with the card and/or gift. This is a big deal! You each take the chance that the other Valentine will reciprocate with similar sentiment. It isn't really appropriate to ask "Will you be buying me jewelry for Valentines?". It's just one of those situations where you know or you don't, and then you anticipate, until it happens. Pondering over what your Valentine is thinking about all evening just may drive you insane. Luckily, the 15th will be here soon enough and you will then discover if you are in a romantic relationship, or not.

Valentines' Day is one of the most popular days for wedding proposals. From location, timing, and details, to the clothing you wear and the way you style your hair, this day is almost more important than your actual wedding. You will wonder: Is this the day you will propose marriage? Are you expected to "pop the question" this Valentines' Day? Will champagne and strawberries be perfect, or should there be something special with a diamond ring hidden in it? Will your method be traditional or unique? Will you get down on one knee? Must you get "permission" and a blessing first? Valentines' Day may as well be named "Will You Marry Me ? Day", as it is quite possibly the most popular day for wedding proposals.

What do we think about on Valentines' Day? Chocolate and candy, romance, hearts, love peoms, candlelight, jewelry and diamond engagement rings, greeting cards, love, roses and flowers, champagne, Casanova and Cupid. Is there a magical force that reunites two people at the top of the Empire State Building or is it an love affair that is not meant to be? History has build up to our modern day reflections of Valentines' Day. Valentines' Day has not always been about "couples and romance". The holiday itself has been a changing reflection of society over the course of time. 

Enough about lovers and romance.

So now we get to the SINGLE person. I will speak of myself (this year). After I have called Grandma and the parents, I either text or email friends and co-workers. Sending Hallmark e-cards is one of my favorite hobbies. Valentines' Day is about appreciation. When there isn't one "special" person in your life, then you share your attention with those you value. It is not about romantic love - it is just about love for people. Eventually, the emotional thought "I wish I had someone" crosses my mind on this day. Quickly, I become rational. I appreciate my life for what it is: I am single, with freedom; participation is optional. I am happy. No stress, no fuss, and (thankfully) no "Mister Wrong". Just everyday fun, out and about, with people that I enjoy having in my life. The possibilities are endless, and who knows...Mr. Right may be out with me tonight and I won't even know it until after the holiday is over. Wonder if I'll stress out next year about what card to buy?